Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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