Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My ass is underappreciated
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
