My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My sheets look like a crime scene.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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