This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
