I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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