Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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