She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
