theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
