So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
