So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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