Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
