Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
