I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think my mom watched the whole time
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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