So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
