i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
