just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
