he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
