The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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