it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
