woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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