It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
