I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
