even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
