Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Less talking, more tequila
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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