Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
