I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
