WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
