Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
