Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
