I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
