She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my shit smells like andre
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
