I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
