Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
