Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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