Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
