Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
