You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
