god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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