I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
