god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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