I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
