I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
