some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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