Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
