I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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