is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
