someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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