3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
