i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
