I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
