I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
