my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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