I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
