You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
