Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
