Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
