so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
