We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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