Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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