remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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