Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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