the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
