so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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