for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
