My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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